We are told so many times, “just be confident” - well, it is not that easy…

Millions of people struggle with low self-esteem and low confidence due to a variety of reasons. Many want to gain confidence but lack the resources to learn.

Here are some tools I share with the groups I work on how to build confidence :

Here’s what actually works.

1. Confidence Starts With Evidence,

Every time you follow through on something you said you’d do, no matter how small, you’re depositing a receipt into your internal “proof folder.” Over time, that folder becomes a symbol of your self-trust.

Example of these mini evidence-builders:

Make one promise to yourself daily and keep it.

Start tiny (2-minute task rule).

Celebrate the completion, not perfection.

Set a goal and follow through (run a 5k, 75 hard, read two new books,, etc)

Confidence shows up when YOU show up for yourself

2. Name the Fear, Because Unnamed Fear Controls You

Confidence isn’t the absence of fear. It’s the ability to look fear in the eye and move anyway.

When you don’t name what you’re afraid of, your brain exaggerates it. But when you name it out loud (“I’m scared of looking stupid,” “I’m scared I’ll fail”), you shrink its power.

Try this:

Write the fear down. Then add: “And I can handle it.”

You’re not avoiding fear. You’re building capacity.

3. Do the Reps That Scare You

Confidence grows through exposure, not avoidance.

Examples could be:

Lifting weights at the gym: start light and increase over time.

If public speaking scares you, start by speaking up once in a small group.

If networking scares you, practice one conversation a week.

If trying out for something scares you, rehearse the “ask” to a friend first.

4. Build Skills Because Competence Creates Confidence

One of the fastest ways to feel confident is to get good at something.

Not perfect. Just practiced. Deliberate practice

5. Surround Yourself With Mirrors That Reflect Your Potential

You can’t build confidence in environments that shrink you.

Confidence comes from your community, so make sure to surround yourself with positive, uplifting people. You are valued, and your peers should support and uplift you!

A healthy environment sounds like:

“Try again, I believe in you.”

“That wasn’t perfect, but look how far you’ve come.”

“You can do hard things.”

6. Rewrite the Story You Tell Yourself

Confidence isn’t about who you were. It’s about the identity you’re willing to grow into.

Your internal narrative is the script your brain follows.

If your story is “I’m always anxious,” “I’m not smart,” or “I’m not the type of person who succeeds,” your actions will match.

But if you shift the script to:

“I’m becoming someone who tries things even when I’m scared,”

your brain starts searching for behaviors that match that identity.

Identity leads behavior. Behavior builds confidence.

4 of my Favorite Positive Affirmations :

I am Worthy

I am Becoming

I am Growing Through What I Go Through

I am enough to be in spaces that challenge me

Remember to practice self-love and compassion as that is the secret ingredient to growing true confidence.

I value you! Make sure you value YOURSELF <3.